Wednesday, March 05, 2008

On top Down Under

Victory. At long last. A team reeking of youth, confidence and weedy obnoxiousness (apparently) came of age on Tuesday, March 4. A team of Davids (in the absence of Dravid or Noel David, it's ok if you can't recall the latter) convincingly trounced the Goliaths on the actual battlefield after all those little offline skirmishes that involved name-calling, abuse-hurling and character-smearing. Like all war sagas, this one too had its quota of swashbuckling heroes, wide-eyed-evil-laugh-bearing villains and a few non-entities whose only role is to feature for a second wherein they clutch the arrow that enters their bodies as they fall with weird contorted facial expressions.

Ishant Sharma: The 'find' of the season, apparently. Though how, despite being taller than the trees in his neighbour's orchard, he wasn't found earlier is still a mystery to me. Constantly irritated Ricky Ponting through the latter half of the tour by flaunting his long mane in front of the balding Aussie captain.

Matthew Hayden: Tall, broad-shouldered and with a warrior-like demeanor on the field, it came to everyone as a surprise when it was revealed that Hayden dabbled in other off-field activities like cooking gardening. Hayden's vast knowledge in the gardening domain was out for all to see when he claimed to have discovered a rare weed of the obnoxious kind. Hushed mentions of the term "poetic justice" were heard when the weed flicked the bails off leaving the lawn mower stranded out of his crease in the final match.

Pravin Kumar: Picked up an offline fight with Ishant Sharma after he hunted on Sharma's bunny in the last two outings. After his newfound popularity, Kumar plans to enhance his nouveau-superstar status by having his own entry music * play every time he is brought into the attack in matches henceforth.

Brad Hogg: A typical specimen of aforementioned non-entities, Hogg played a pivotal role in the last match of the tour by fetching his teammates much-needed bottles of water. He plans to spend the next few weeks chasing down his nation's cricket board asking for more clarity on the details of his PPF and pension accounts.

Sachin Tendulkar: Provided the correct answer to the age-old question of "God who?" with the aid of a cricket bat and an injured groin. Also made news temporarily when he bagged an IPL contract that launched cash registers into overdrive. There are rumours abound that he may attempt to change his name to "Cha-ching!" Tendulkar.

Not to be continued...

* (Author: If you've ever lived in Mumbai and subscribed to 7star cable, you will find this link as hilarious as I have)


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