Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Un-bright

When i let myself down, a shame overcomes me - arising from self-betrayal and/or the guilt of having crashed the hopes my own had had on me. What is shame? Is it an emotion? Or a phenomenon, perhaps? Whatever it is, it's a sapping experience to be shamed after letting oneself down. Suddenly, the world seems too large for me to be of any significance or consequence. I need to look upwards even at those things that i once towered upon. Erstwhile equals seem to soar as high as untouchable stars. Crowds disappear. Solitude reigns. Introspection deepens. Shame blurs into regret. Silence is sought as badly as an addictive drug. Silence assumes control. The ubiquitous noise no longer exists.
Silence - the vanquisher, the king.
Solitude - the kingdom, the reign.
Shame - it's a humbling experience.

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